my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
