You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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