Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize