Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
