I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
