Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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