Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
