if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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