Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
