Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
