You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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