How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
