YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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