ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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