Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
