woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
