just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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