do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
