I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
