Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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