so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
