Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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