Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
