We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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