we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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