i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Blood and glitter go together right?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize