Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
