def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
