end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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