i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Someone signed my nipple.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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