The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
