Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
