so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
