I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Panties = found
Randomize