Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
