if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
