dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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