I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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