I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
