I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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