Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
