does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
