Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
