I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
this is an emotional support booty call
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize