Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
