someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
dude. I can hear the air.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
