Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
