Im at strip club and am horny
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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