I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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