I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
