I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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