I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
