just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
