why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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