I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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