I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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