Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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