2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
