Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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