Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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