just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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