so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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