My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The best revenge is premature balding
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
