I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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