Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He felt like a one man threesome
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My penis needs a shock collar
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize