Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm too high and old for this...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
