did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
