just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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